


in the evidence of its brilliance

by guan_lupe



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Fem!Light - Freeform, Genderbending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25341103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guan_lupe/pseuds/guan_lupe
Summary: AU female!Light: Light Yagami had never known before what it was to feel another's heartbeat within. Kira only kills.
Relationships: Amane Misa/Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	in the evidence of its brilliance

**Author's Note:**

> i'm just trying something out right now, seeing where i am with these kinds of things... feel free to comment!

She opens her eyes and mewls in pain. Not only is it hard, hard floor and must and a cramp in her stomach screaming _hunger!_ but the blackness of it all. 

What had it been? Misa!

"Oh, God! Ryuuzaki!" she cries, looking up into that lens like it's a yōkai, a demon spirit staring. "Get me out of here! Please! I- I don't know what came over me, but you have to let me out! I'm not Kira. I could _never_ be Kira. Please, Ryuuzaki. Can you hear me?"

"I can hear, you, Light, but I'm afraid I'm unable to release you," comes L's drawl, modified, through the cell's speaker. "You agreed to confinement, under the pretext that I wouldn't release you no matter what you said, until enough evidence could be gathered to prove or disprove your being the First Kira. Have you forgotten?"

"I haven't, but I-" Light swallows, and it tastes like bile. She shuts her eyes against the feeling that she's lost something of her mind, somewhere. Then she opens her eyes and says, "I don't know what's happening. I feel like I've gone insane. I don't know why I would have ever agreed to this! Listen to me, Ryuuzaki: you need to look closely at me; look into my eyes. Look at my face and tell me if you truly believe I'm lying when I say _I am not Kira_."

After the simulated death sentence scenario, while she and Misa are given a week of rehabilitation, Light determines something for herself: it had been humiliating but absolutely necessary, and inevitable, to have presented the model as her romantic partner, revealing more about her sexuality than she'd ever planned for. This, surely, resulted in the madness that must have overcome her to agree to the confinement, and to hold herself so composedly for a week. Yes. That must have been it. That was the only explanation.

"Light-chan?"

"Yes?"

"I love you. I'm happy we made it through."

A pause, and a feeling of vertigo, until,

"I am, too, Misa-Misa; I love you." Soft, strawberry kisses. Light weeps at the hatred she knows she possesses within herself.

Once the rehabilitation's done comes L's radical proposal that he chain himself to Light, at which Soichiro howls a bit too loudly. The entire Taskforce is against it. Misa's bold enough to use the term pervert.

"No, Otō-san, please," Light insists to Soichiro, lashes fluttering. "There'll be non-stop surveillance. The chain is more than three meters long, and frankly, I can't think of a better, more convenient way of proving my innocence. Besides;" she looks to L; "I trust Ryuuzaki. I admire him, and don't doubt that he would never manipulate me because of my being a woman." _Unless he had to_ , she doesn't say. _He, like me, needs to win. That's just how we are. What's happened to me, really? Is it truly only Misa?_

"Thank you very much," L says.

Disgust mars Misa's otherwise darling face.

Over the coming weeks what bothers Light most isn't L's manic behaviors, his insomnia, his depression, his straightforward manner. On the contrary, Light is fascinated. She's aware of how discreet and careful the detective is to give her needed privacy and opportunity to practice self-care and good hygiene, as much as can be when chained to a man. What irritates her are Misa's insistent phone calls. Her constant need for attenton and affirmation. Her vanity, her forced flirtatiousness. Sometimes on forced dates within Headquarters, Light moves the sofa to the darkest corner of the room and curled upon it melds her mouth to Misa's, just so she won't have to hear the model talk. L hums to himself, eating sweets and staring at his laptop or out the window.

On one such date, L confesses his depression. Light slaps him. Cheeks flushed and hazel eyes fiery, she admonishes the genius detective, until L admits:

"I did want you to be Kira. But, is it shocking, Light-san, to believe that the idea thrills you just as much? Wouldn't it make it easier, if it were so? Or are you not tired of being chained to my side like some third-world bride?"

Now, it's Misa who slaps L. Light blows her a kiss.

That night, L's words resound in Light's head, "chained like a bride." She remembers that the French used to refer in literature to an orgasm as "the little death" and thinks, _Kira_ , _in_ _whose hands is the future?_ Her legs spread slightly hearing the body in the bed next to her shift. She can hear L's thoughts and wishes she could give her pride up enough to speak into the darkness. But, she fears all she'd manage is, _What is your name?_

"L," she sighs. Then her throat seizes up.

"Hm?" 

Light bites her tongue till she goes numb and she tastes blood.

The next day, Light focuses on researching the largest corporations of the world, and finds it: Yotsuba. From then on, a white-hot electric current runs through the three-meter chain connecting her and L. Every discovery, every look of shock, of excitement, of conclusion, of _intelligence_ , thrills the young woman and the detective. Finally, they can play. Finally they can do what they're made to do: to reason and question and infer, and deduce, and test. To design systems and plans, and contemplate. They can hardly stop chatting even as they get ready for bed, L's eyes indiscreetly admiring Light's smile. 

"Ryuuzaki!" Light betrays her age and sounds like a giddy eighteen-year-old. The pitch of her voice has risen. "Stop staring at my mouth." She's flushed, still grinning. "Did you ever hear the theory that psychopaths tend to look at a person's mouth when that person's speaking rather than the eyes?"

"Well, then, stop speaking." 

Light averts her eyes and takes a deep breath, smile gone.

"Just kidding! Goodnight, Light-san."

Before Light can react, L turns from her and makes his way to his narrow bed, requiring the young woman to head towards hers. That night, Light tosses and turns in dreams. She chuckles, smirks and mutters something about a potato chip bag. L listens and watches.

The whole of the following day finds Light and L glued to their computers, heads leaning together as they whisper to each other. Finishing each other's sentences. Not until Light pulls down her underwear in the bathroom during supper break does she realize her body's becoming aroused. Embarrassed, she reasons that it could be the result of the excitement of the case, and has nothing to do with L. Perhaps, she reasons, it's because she longs for Misa, and is truly beginning to love her. However, that same night, she and L unconsciously touch their palms together as they speak. Light doesn't realize this phenomenon until L curls his fingers slightly against hers. She doesn't put her hands down. She should. She can't put them down, not when she's finally found forever hidden in a moment, in a touch, in a person. L's dark eyes bore into hers. He's not the kind to say no. L is always, _yes_. Never any regret, never any fear, except for... 

"Shinigami," Light whispers. "L, do you know?"

L replies, in English,

"Yes, my Light."

The next day Light kisses Misa till they can't breathe and holds her supple body. She knows L is watching. 

"Misa-chan, I can't remember," she breathes into bleached-blonde hair. "Help me."

"It was in Aoyama," Misa explains slowly. "Light-chan's name was written like 'moon.'" She pauses. "When..." She looks off, confused for a moment, then back at her girlfriend; "When she signed the check at Note Blue! That's it! Right?"

Misa's voice sounds so fragile. Light kisses her forehead and reminds her that she loves her.

"Misa loves Light-chan more," Misa says. All three persons present know it's true.

Fate's steel teeth await, and it's a matter of a few scalding summer days till Light falls into L's arms, in the midst of a kiss, and his bed. It's clumsy at first, the teenage genius being a naturally petulant and selfish lover. But, L is patient. Light's supple, velvety body curves and rolls beneath L's bony, spindly figure. L is strong, though soft at heart. Light is feline, serpentine, angelic, naturally seductive because beneath her virginity is raw desire to control, ride, possess. Though feminine and graceful, there's a reason she's the dominant in her lesbian relationship with Misa. She naturally receives oral sex from L, indicating her gratitude and pleasure while never completely abandoning herself. She's known her own body and its desires since puberty. By that token, she's shameless in reciprocating the gesture, relishing the experience of possessing in her mouth L's most vulnerable organ, hot and heavy and salty-bitter. L caresses fistfuls of long, silky golden hair.

While preparing for penetration, Light whispers into L's feathery black hair that she wants to remain on her back. L kisses her, wet and desperate. His fingers continue pistoning inside her. He laps up the drool forming in her mouth, tasting his own precome.

"Are you submitting?" he asks, voice rasping.

"Submitting to my victory," confirms Light, smile hiding equal shades of conceit and affection. "Before you claim me, I offer myself."

When he's pushed inside her, gaze rapt on her pink mouth open and her eyes shut tight, L adjusts their position. He whispers as Light cradles his face, 

"You win."

Light opens her dewy eyes to L's softened ones. A reverse scenario flashes across her mind's eye. L thrusts once, then again, then twice in succession. It feels like dying. L fills Light like this nearly every night, and the pair are able to sleep peacefully so as to optimally function during the day, especially during the Matsuda fake-death incident. 

One night, L drags Light to Misa's room with a plan to manipulate the model to infiltrate Yotsuba, using her loyalty to Light as leverage. Misa shares a private look with Light. L catches it and it makes him shudder. _Who's manipulating who?_ Misa responds with her syrupy insistence that she'll do anything, even die, for Light Yagami.

"Misa misses Light-chan." 

"Blame Ryuuzaki," Light responds, with a similar pout.

Misa smirks and begins braiding a piece of Light's hair.

"Misa does."

A week later finds Light standing in the balmy night, after a stormy day, staring at the hazy moon. It had happened so quickly and cruelly, Higuchi's death and the Note returning.

"I've regained nothing," she says out loud. She turns to L, standing some distance behind her, no longer chained. "The Thirteen-Day Rule is fake. I wrote it. I have a proposal, L Lawliet. I'm ninety-five percent certain that I've conceived from you. I track my periods, and never fail to predict them to the day. Legally, then, I've secured myself from the death sentence, until I give birth. And, unbenownst to most, I'm unable to be killed by the shinigami seeing as my unborn child counts as another individual yet to possess a face and name. It's beyond a shinigami's power to kill a person like that; it would require something beyond a shinigami's control. Fate. God. My own hand. Anyway, I have eight more months. I'll give you a confession. I accept the death sentence after our child is born, if I'm not killed by the shinigami for risking Misa Amane's life. Though, I beg you to have mercy on Misa-chan. She's unstable, whereas I was in full control-"

"No, Light-san." L's voice is low, firm. "No. Nobody possessing a weapon like that could possibly resist yielding to it." He's staring at the door leading back into Headquarters, in which said book sits innocuously within an impenetrable plexiglass display. Then, he looks back at Light. "You had no control."

Light grimaces.

"I am Kira." She laughs, gaze narrowing in condescension toward her friend and lover. "What aren't you understanding?"

"I know what I did," L says, foot rubbing against his calf. "I made love to Light Yagami. Not to Kira. If you listen to yourself, you'll realize: Kira may have resorted to a confesson as part of a strategic plan, but there's no way she would put another's life before hers. That's simply not Kira. Kira needs to live, so as to kill." He averts his eyes. "Scientifically, it's proven that if you are indeed pregnant the cell formation is nothing but a cell formation. Though, I concede that if the shinigami consider it a person, it's their prerogative and it counts for something. I, however, don't have the respect for shinigami as much as I probably should. Anyway;" he sighs, looking up to the moon, then back at Light; "you, Light Yagami, are proving your innocence through your plan. If this is a ruse, consider me utterly impressed. I can't quite beat this one." He turns to go back inside. "But, I'm ninety-nine percent sure it's not. Call it intuition."

"You would you take my sins from me?" Light asks L, nearly hysterical. "Haven't I a right to my sins? To suffer them and their consequences?"

L doesn't respond, but only pauses before meandering back inside and out of sight.

"You're not the monster I once thought you were," says Rem's deep voice. Light gasps and turns to the shinigami. "However, I can't determine whether you're aware of Misa Amane's love for you, a love so deep and chaotic, and so affected by the power of the Note, that it will always mean her death. You asked for mercy for her. Do you mean that? Do you understand what mercy for the girl means?"

"She won't ever have to know, if you give her till the morning. Give us till the morning. Till she's asleep."

"Yes, Light Yagami. I will do just that."

The next morning, Light knocks at L's door and finds the detective eating licorice. Without having to say a word, L determines what's happened, and asks, "Would you mind if I looked?" Light shakes her tired head, no, and she and L make their quiet way toward her bedroom, to see Misa's corpse still warm with love, lips flushed with kisses, still damp. The shinigami hovers over it, looking more like a cliché Angel of Death than ever before, looking as though she were ready to take Misa's body to a higher plane, to sainthood.

L wraps a lithe arm around Light's waist, and kisses a tear on her cheek.

"Nobody wins," Light speaks against the void.

"No," L confirms. "However, it's quantitatively true: that life supercedes death and that no darkness;" he looks into Light's eyes, a bit angry, a bit tired, but with a gaze that refuses to turn to her mouth; "shall ever overcome the light. Kira-sama."

Light holds his gaze. Her son, when he's born, will have her smile and L's owlish gaze, which will always want to look, to see, to discover, to question, and to contemplate.

**// end**


End file.
